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Monday, May 17, 2021

Eurovision 2021 Qualifier Predictions

 Here are my qualifier predictions, for posterity. There are some bold predictions with some fan favorites not qualifying and long stretches of qualifiers (the first-four qualifying that has only been done in Semifinal 2 of 2008). The quality is high this year and the result is going to be heartbreaking no matter what. This isn't my preferred result, but it's my best guess.

Semifinal 1:

LITHUANIA
SLOVENIA
RUSSIA
SWEDEN
CYPRUS
NORWAY
CROATIA
ROMANIA
UKRAINE
MALTA

Televote winner: Ukraine
Jury winner: Malta

Semifinal 2:

ESTONIA
GREECE
AUSTRIA
ICELAND
SERBIA
ALBANIA
PORTUGAL
BULGARIA
FINLAND
SWITZERLAND

Televote winner: Iceland
Jury winner: Bulgaria

Good luck to all participants!

Sunday, May 16, 2021

Eurovision 2021 Song Ranking

Better late than never, right? It was really difficult to rank this year’s songs. The quality this year is very high. Even songs in the bottom half of my ranking could have easily been in the top half in another year. There isn’t enough room at the top so the results will be heartbreaking for sure. Still I made an attempt at it. This is a personal preference for this moment in time and after a certain point it becomes arbitrary. Instead of being critical I will try to say something nice about each entry.

1. Denmark – I love 80s, I love schlager, it makes me happy. I didn’t want this to be my favorite but it is. This is cheesy, delicious comfort food that commits 100% to being 80s.

2. Italy – Sexy and bluesy glam rock, with an authentic anti-authority streak. The opening is a E1M1-like kick in the face, the simple statement chorus is anthemic, and the fast, wordy second verse is a thing of beauty.

3. San Marino – Their best entry ever. There are many pop bangers with female vocals this year, but this is the catchiest. The rap feature in the bridge is the key to sounding like pop music from the outside world, it’s a mystery why others haven’t done it earlier in the contest.

4. Ukraine – Last year they had my favorite song, and this year’s effort might be even better. It’s harder, more hypnotic. It pulls you into a trance, then a frenzy as the tempo picks up. The bass drop in the bridge, followed by the flute kicking in, is perfect.

5. Poland – I listen to a lot of generic synthwave. Like my tolerance is really high, I could listen to it all day. So no matter how much hate it gets online, it’s right up my alley. Especially the cold (and accented) male vocals. The bridge is the best part of the song and they know it.

6. Netherlands – This is the definition of being unapologetically one’s self. Radiates joy and power through adversity. The vocals are soothing and uplifting.

7. Belgium – Cool sound, leaning psychedelic, with lyrics about being cool. The bassline in the pre-chorus is beautiful. The intensity gives me Jun Togawa vibes, although without the vocal range, but with the intensity.

8. Finland – Millennial nostalgia bomb. The lyrics sound like they were written like the shallowest edgelord in 2004 (enough surface level references to seem “dark” but shifting tonally enough to clearly not be personal), but that is part of the appeal. The sound is on the poppier side of nu metal, which we haven’t heard in Eurovision before and should have much sooner.

9. Serbia – Absolutely fun uptempo Balkan dance-pop that leans more reggaeton than turbofolk The repetition in the chorus is effective. A party throughout.

10. Cyprus – This song is greater than the sum of its parts. It does some really weird things (food references, the pre-chorus, the creepy childlike chanting in the bridge and final chorus), but most of it is “regular pop banger”. It escalates into an unforgettable pop séance.

11. Slovenia – A beautiful power ballad featuring a unique beautiful voice. The gospel choir and booming drums give this the best final chorus moment in the contest. If not for some awkward lyrics this would be higher.

12. Australia – This is so cute and unabashedly girly. I’m not a big hyperpop fan, but this is definitely taking influence from adjacent acts like the genius Rina Sawayama.

13. Iceland – It’s my least favorite of the trilogy, but it still hits fantastic. This is glorious synth funk that shows both genuine emotion and a genuine love for synth music. Crafted to be catchy fun.

14. Sweden – Not only does it sound like an Idol winner’s song, it sounds like a default Eurovision winner’s song. Unmistakably Swedish, polished to perfection, and hitting all the right notes.

15. Switzerland – A lovely but complex ballad. Easy to pass by but when you let it in, it takes over. Gjon has an angelic voice.

16. Croatia – The star is the hypnotic and sexy bass-heavy chorus, which is then lifted by the shimmering synth hook in the post-chorus. The switch to Croatian for the first chorus after the bridge is probably the most effective language switch of its kind.

17. Spain – This lovely ballad grew on me a lot. It’s a super adult contemporary piano ballad that (appropriately?) a boy band would sing. Honestly any K-pop boy band could sing this and it would be a hit.

18. Russia – More heart and personality than many of their recent entries. The lyric digs deep to real societal frustration. The chorus is a women’s hymn that tumbles into a danceable beat.

19. Greece – Another synthwave-influenced song, but in its core, with a more mainstream pop coating. The backing chorus in the pre-chorus and chorus gives an epic feel.

20. Malta – Destiny is Malta’s star and she is better than this song, she is 90% of the appeal. Electro swing isn’t my thing, but the chorus is still catchy. It’s a whole unremovable earworm.

21. Moldova – This is fun and appropriately sugary. The combination of the strings and bass is Eurovision old-meets-new.

22. Lithuania – The nearly spoken chorus over a funky bassline calls to mind a robot warming itself up. And the big chorus is just what you want from them after last year (in more ways than one). Can a dance song be more about self-care than partying? Yes, and some need to be.

23. Ireland – This feels both really Scandinavian and believably Irish. The theme of missing home is universal, and the metaphor in the bridge is powerful.

24. Israel – Two words: whistle notes. This and Iceland are two halves of a whole disco.

25. Czech Republic – Fun and uptempo love song with some lyrics that reflect some very now frustrations. The “dating in 2021” anthem.

26. Azerbaijan – Bangers about historical figures and events are far too rare, so it's always fun when they pop up.

27. Norway – You can't say this isn't a polished pop song.

28. Latvia –The chorus is a powerful statement and almost witchy.

29. United Kingdom – The chorus and horn hook especially sound like they would fit right in as a morning show bumper. 

30. North Macedonia –A classic musical theater "I am" song, the chorus is super catchy and pops into my head all of the time.

31. Albania –It's not Eurovision without a Balkan ballad, and this delivers the drama.

32. Romania – It feels fresh and timely, and the singer has a lovely tone of voice.

33. France –A classic and effective chanson, the textbook definition of it.

34. Austria – So many Eurovision classics have been dramatic breakup ballads, and this one is this year's offering

35. Portugal - There's a piano bar sort of charm to this song.

36. Germany - The unwavering positivity and self-acceptance in the face of negativity is admirable.

37. Bulgaria - It doesn't quite connect with me but seems to have touched a lot of people.

38. Estonia - The chorus is memorable, catchy, and has a unique heaviness to it.

39. Georgia - The simplicity, slowness, and natural focus of the lyrics is very soothing. 

Good luck to all participants!