Eurovision 2019 Semifinal Predictions

After weeks of ranking, rehearsals are complete and the jury shows are underway. Who will make up Saturday night's line up? Instead of making predictions on who will qualify, which usually results in something around 7/10 right, I will list the optimal qualifiers for my viewing party on Saturday based on the likely preferences of my friends


OPTIMAL PARTY LINEUP
Semifinal 1:

Australia
Cyprus
Czech Republic
Georgia
Greece
Hungary
Iceland
Poland
Portugal
Slovenia

It really says something about Finland's song and performance that being a meme wouldn't add more than a little amusement to a party. San Marino is also an honorable mention for the camp value, but the other 10 acts are more interesting visually.

Semifinal 2:

Albania
Azerbaijan
Croatia
Ireland
Malta

Netherlands
North Macedonia
Norway

Russia
Sweden

I think Moldova would go over well too visually but maybe not sonically, Albania sonically but not visually, and Latvia is a chill wildcard.


My actual predictions aren't the same (Serbia and Switzerland seem like likely qualifiers although I'm less sure of the latter) but these would result in the most fun on Saturday.

Good luck to all competitors!

Eurovision 2019 Song Ranking Part 8

5. Portugal

Conan Osiris – “Telemoveis”

The common reaction to this song is something like “unlike anything else” or “sounds like the future” or “this is incomprehensible art” or even “unlike what I usually listen to.” I have to disagree. “Telemoveis” is the music of now albeit in a beautifully Portuguese variation, a Soundcloud-esque blend of chill and melancholy except the melancholy is kind of saudade. This is the perfect accompaniment to a bus or train trip. Thank you Festival da Cancao for introducing me to this amazing artist, for I have now heard his back catalog and it’s all good if not even better. Before there was “I’m taking my Pikachu home” there was “SURFIN ALAPRAS.”

4. Italy

Mahmood – “Soldi”

Definitely more fresh and Spotify than typical Italy, this song is captivating and dynamic. The instrumentation changes from tense piano and strings to an electronic beat and iconic handclaps flawlessly. It still has that Sanremo wordiness – there’s something about Italian that makes having a lot of syllables sound good. Even if you don’t understand Italian you can tell there’s a story and real pain behind this.

3. Norway

KeiiNO - “Spirit In the Sky”

What else can you say about this song? My tastes outside of Eurovision have moved away from standard pop lately but I will never stop loving schlager Europop, and “Spirit In the Sky” is as Europop schlager fanbait as you can get. The joiking is a nice touch to both make it unique and add local flavor. As many have pointed out, it sounds like “Monsters” in the chord progression but not exactly in melody, so it’s far rom a copy. It’s not particularly fresh at all and could have entered in any Eurovision since the mid-00s, but I don’t care.

2. Cyprus

Tamta - “Replay”

Round two of Cyprus’s tropical pop domination, although less Mediterranean and more electronic like the 808 the lyrics reference. The big brass horns in the chorus are commanding, and the pre-chorus is the best tension-building moment in the whole contest. A song to listen to on replay again and again.

1. Iceland

Hatari – “Hatrið mun sigra”

“Hatrið mun sigra” is a banger and a blessing. The growling verses and falsetto synthpop chorus a perfect contrast, reflecting the conflict in the song that is very relevant. The industrial darkwave music is matched by their visual style. The band itself is at the intersection of indie music festival fare, art school collective, and boy band, a joy to follow. This is one of Iceland's best entries if not the best, and I need to go book a flight to Iceland to see them ASAP.

Eurovision 2019 Song Ranking Part 7

10. Slovenia
Zala Kralj & Gašper Šantl - "Sebi"
Lo-fi chill beats to fall in love and believe in yourself to. This is way more ambient than the usual Eurovision song, but in a fresh, youthful 2019 way. I have loved many of Slovenia's trashiest entries but this is pure coolness and it's just as good. The spacey synths are the standout, and unlike many electronic songs in the contest in recent years, Zala's vocals are warm and intimate. The introvert anthem of the year.

9. Spain
Miki - "La venda"
The jolt of energy in this year's contest is ska! Or at least it was until the revamp, but those horns and that ending don't lie. With a positive almost progressive message hidden in the lyrics, this is feel-good all around. One of their best songs in a while that genuinely gets the party started and the audience standing.


8. Azerbaijan
Chingiz - "Truth"
Symphonix International keeps churning out hits with little connection to the local music scene (with some exceptions) and I am here for it. This song is very house-influenced, especially with that vocal chorus. The influence from last year's American-Bulgarian Trey Campbell, the best part of Equinox, is obvious. The chorus sounds like he's singing it, which is far from a bad thing. The vocal samples preceding the introduction, verses, and final chorus ("I don't need the truth") sound hard to replicate live but intense in a vaporwave way.

7. France
Bilal Hassani - "Roi"
Bilal is a pure cinnamon roll who must be protected, the rare Youtuber who stays free of drama and shows positive behavior. His song is a sweet gem too, by my favorites last year Madame Monsieur. The bilingual mix of French and English feels effortless and natural, much like teens in a casual conversation, in a way that songs in this venue often aren't. The positive self-affirming message flies in the face of haters and hopefully inspires viewers outside of France.

6. Czech Republic
Lake Malawi - "Friend of a Friend"
Can you hear it? It sounds like the Czech Republic/Czechia is finally coming into its own in Eurovision. Unlike last year's fresh sound, this year is a peppy throwback, a Bill Wurtz-esque bouncy synth pop with slightly unusual lyrics. The instrumental riff in the post-chorus, punctuated by the "I'm only a friend" sample, is one of the catchiest moments this year. The theme is unlike any other in this contest or maybe in any of them, and illustrates what I like to call the 2019 Eurovision Horniness Matrix. The axes of performance and lyric should be directly related, with most close to zero in both. Switzerland isn't as high as it thinks it should be, and the gone but not forgotten Ukraine is off the charts in both. Something interesting happens when the two variables aren't directly proportional. For example, Iceland is exceedingly horny in performance and dress, but the lyrics are about chaos and destruction, the Eurovision equivalent of Soul Calibur. The reverse occurs with the Czech Republic, a group of clean-cut guys happily bopping around the stage and screen, but there's no ambiguity in the lyrics: this song is about eavesdropping on your neighbors having sex and trying to reassure your partner you aren't enjoying it. Not very horny performance, very horny lyric, and for the second year in the row. Keep up the good work CZ.