Don't wanna go kaput ka-snooze

Today is the first of a 8-part series, the 2nd annual The Goggles Do Nothing Eurovision Song Contest coundown, or TGDNESCC for short. I will count down five songs every week, with the exception of this week, in which I will have to do seven. This week brings my seven least favorite songs. They may not be the worst ever (obviously, since many people voted for them somebody saw something good in them), but it's my blog and I can say whether I like something or not. Here goes:

42. Latvia
Bonaparti.lv – “Questa notte”
Reaction: It’s not easy to be my least favorite out of over 40 songs, especially since I think I have a fairly open mind, but “Questa notte” managed to “win” that “honor.” I hate those opera/traditional pop “man bands” that are directed at bored housewives who want to listen to classy music sung by handsome young men with pleasant voices. However, this song is not classy (just because you sing in Italian doesn’t make you classy), only about half of their voices are pleasant, and even less of them are young and/or handsome. Unfortunately, bored housewives will eat up this obvious attempt to gain their votes, Bonaparti.lv will qualify for the final, and I will bang my head against my desk.
Best Part: None
Rating: 1/5

41. Montenegro
Stevan Faddy – “'Ajde kroči”
Reaction: This is the most boring rock song this year, and since there are quite a few less-than-perfect rock songs this year, that’s saying a lot. Even the chorus fails to excite. There's just something about it that makes me press the forward button every time it comes on.
Best Part: Can’t think of one
Rating: 1/5

40. United Kingdom
Scooch – “Flying The Flag (For You)”
Reaction: I can’t believe it could get worse than “Teenage Life” but it did. At least “Teenage Life” had a positive message and a somewhat catchy chorus. This is a complete joke - bad europop (and I have a very low standard for “good”, but even this doesn’t reach it) with a boring chorus with a heavy dose of unsexy sexual innuendo.
Best Part: “Would you like a complimentary drink with your meal sir?” Yes, and I don’t even drink, but after this I may need to.
Rating: 1/5

39. Ukraine
Verka Serduchka – “Danzing”
Reaction: At first this dance song is somewhat catchy, but then you get to the second half. This part features background singers going “Lala lalala” with voices that sound like dying cats. And when Verka herself screams “Tanzen” at you, you wonder what you have done wrong to have her scream at you like that. It sounds like something from a surreal children’s television show that scares sensitive children like me.
Best Part: The beginning
Rating: 1/5

38. Israel
Teapacks – “Push The Button”
Reaction: I don’t hate the political message. What I hate is that, even at three minutes, this song is way too long. Eventually it just sounds like a long jam session.
Best Part:”And I don't wanna die/I wanna see the flowers bloom/ Don't wanna go kaput kaboom”
Rating: 1/5

37. Armenia
Hayko – “Anytime You Need”
Reaction: This song is a sincere ballad, but the melody is kind of boring. The lyrics, too, are nothing special and overly simple. This song was co-written by Karen Kavaleryan, which I don’t understand, because I like the other Eurovision songs that he co-wrote, so this must be a fluke.
Best Part:The last chorus in Armenian
Rating: 1/5

36. Albania
Frederik Ndoci– “My Plea”
Reaction: I tried hard to like this, because he puts so much emotion into it, but it’s just so boring, and there really isn’t a melody. It has good lyrics, but that might not be enough.
Best Part: Chorus
Rating: 1/5