Eurovision 2017 Song Ranking Part 1: You Sang?

All the songs are out and it's finally time for my annual Eurovision ranking. This year's songs are very...average. There isn't a lot that is terrible, but there isn't much that is amazing. Some of these bottom 8 songs could have been 3/5, but as you'll see in a few weeks, some of the top songs could have been 3/5 too. After this week, five songs will be profiled each week until my top 5 on the Sunday prior to the Eurovision live shows.

43. Lithuania
Fusedmarc - “Rain of Revolution”
Reaction: Lithuania hasn't been in this spot since my first year doing this ranking, where they ended up actually getting their best result ever in the contest. This year, they're warming the spot that their neighbors to the north have taken a few times. “Rain of Revolution” is kind of like “Probka” or “Here We Go” – it's got a pulse but it's not fun, it's messy, and I don't want to listen to it anymore. In a year that's trending more overproduced than not, it's comfortingly Eurovision to have something as messy as this among the field.
Related Video: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=O09ihKAJ4FU This is much better.
Rating: 1/5

42. San Marino
Valentina Monetta and Jimmie Wilson - “Spirit of the Night”
Reaction: Valentina is back, with a friend and disco. This sounds like Ralph Siegel wrote it over tea. This contest was missing the typical Eurovision cheapness until this was revealed. For a song about partying, it's surprisingly low energy, more disco nap than disco. I don't want to listen to it any more than I have to.
Related Video: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hojKYHNjJBo Someone please do a mashup!
Rating: 1/5

41. Albania
Lindita - “World”
Reaction: This ballad is so cinematic and has a dramatic orchestral instrumentation. However, the melody is just unenjoyable. It's boring and hard to listen to, and the switch to English didn't do it any favors.
Related Video: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CamPXxfl7Lw
Rating: 1/5

40. Slovenia
Omar Naber - “On My Way”
Reaction: Back in 2005, I really loved “Stop.” I really liked Omar's album out at the time too. “Stop” was dramatic and edgy. His song this year, is so dated that it wouldnt' even have made it out of a semifinal in 2005. There's something charming about its datedness, to the Eurovision fan who likes anything reminding them of it. Maybe I don't know what old fashioned ballads would connect with the audience – I was wrong on “Color of My Life” last year, but Omar doesn't have the golden/nostalgic voice that Michal did. The chorus is jarring too with some weird notes, and it's unpleasant to listen to.
Related Video: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yio6mDAXFBg
Rating: 1/5

39. Germany
Levina - “Perfect Life”
Reaction: You know how old an eurovision fan you are when you hear the line“I'm almost a sinner, nearly a saint” line and your brain fills in the gap with “not that I would lose my head and faint.” This is aggressively bland with nothing special or exciting. The verses are nice, and yes they sound like “Titanium” but note enough. The chorus has some abrasive notes (like the “life” at the end of the chorus).
Related Video: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uU4_mm7DHL0
Rating: 2/5

38. Spain
Manel Navarro - “Do It For Your Lover”
Reaction: This has got to have the least lyrics in a chorus of theirs since 1968, but this doesn't even touch that. The repetitive chorus calls to mind the “come with me” second verse of “The Fire in Your Eyes” in 2008, but that was better. The music video is spot on: this song is meant for a sunny beach, either in reality or in your memory.
Related Video: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZG_k5CSYKhg Because "what is it?”
Rating: 2/5

37. Poland
Kasia Moś - “Flashlight”
Reaction: I got their song really wrong last year, but it was surprisingly beautiful on stage. On the other hand, I really don't like. There's just something about the tone of her voice as it hits some uncomfortable note sequences. She sounds very different in the live and studio versions, and neither really work. While the lyrics are creative, it falls back on the fire/desire/higher rhyme in the pre-chorus.
Related Video: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mRp6fnDZp4A
Rating: 2/5

36. Finland
Norma John - “Blackbird”
Reaction: This will probably be my “mistake low ranking” of the year since everyone else seems to love it. “Blackbird” creates an atmosphere…like an airplane, it's a claustrophobic background noise. The verses aren't bad but they are slow and quiet. The chorus isn't easy to listen to, unless you really like “whoooooooo sang/yoooooooou sang” etc. I appreciate what it's doing, but it's not a song I want to listen to.
Related Video: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jTFxXIX-wfY This actually really improves the song.
Rating: 2/5